I LOVE being a mommy. I never knew I could love anyone this much! Everything he does I am in love with...even when he is dead set on being attached to his source of food 24-7 and cries loudly while being changed several times a day... (His mommy loves to torture him with trying on new outfits). Even though I am completely sleep deprived and can't remember who I am, I wouldn't change it for the world. It is life changing knowing my husband and I are completely responsible for this little life and he is dependent on us for everything. Gone are the self-centered days. How precious a gift it is...but stress inducing for a new mom. I am an anxious person in general, but nothing compared to my protection for this little one. Every little thing, I question. In the hospital, they kept us an extra night because his temp ran low. When we got home I was constantly checking his temp to make sure he was ok. The first few days I was obsessed with making sure he had the accounted for "dirty diapers" to make sure he was getting enough food. This morning I noticed a little rash on his arms and I immediately called the dr. to make sure he didn't have some illness. I think the dr. thought I was crazy and seemed a little annoyed that I paged them for such a "silly" question. Then there is a little bump on his head that concerns me, not to mention checking on him 500 times a night to make sure he is breathing...it never ends! There is always something to worry about. In the end, his life is in God's hands and all I can do is be the best mom I can be and give the rest to Him. It is hard to let go of something I love and care about so much, but worrying will only keep me from enjoying each day with him. I won't ever get these beginning days back, and I know that Satan would like nothing more than to keep me distracted with fear to steal my joy. I am thankful for a beautiful healthy little boy...and best yet, the God of universe loves him infinitely more than I do. I can trust Him with Jaxon's life.
Above are some pictures of Jaxon that my sister took the other day. Thanks Amy!
