I LOVE being a mommy. I never knew I could love anyone this much! Everything he does I am in love with...even when he is dead set on being attached to his source of food 24-7 and cries loudly while being changed several times a day... (His mommy loves to torture him with trying on new outfits). Even though I am completely sleep deprived and can't remember who I am, I wouldn't change it for the world. It is life changing knowing my husband and I are completely responsible for this little life and he is dependent on us for everything. Gone are the self-centered days. How precious a gift it is...but stress inducing for a new mom. I am an anxious person in general, but nothing compared to my protection for this little one. Every little thing, I question. In the hospital, they kept us an extra night because his temp ran low. When we got home I was constantly checking his temp to make sure he was ok. The first few days I was obsessed with making sure he had the accounted for "dirty diapers" to make sure he was getting enough food. This morning I noticed a little rash on his arms and I immediately called the dr. to make sure he didn't have some illness. I think the dr. thought I was crazy and seemed a little annoyed that I paged them for such a "silly" question. Then there is a little bump on his head that concerns me, not to mention checking on him 500 times a night to make sure he is breathing...it never ends! There is always something to worry about. In the end, his life is in God's hands and all I can do is be the best mom I can be and give the rest to Him. It is hard to let go of something I love and care about so much, but worrying will only keep me from enjoying each day with him. I won't ever get these beginning days back, and I know that Satan would like nothing more than to keep me distracted with fear to steal my joy. I am thankful for a beautiful healthy little boy...and best yet, the God of universe loves him infinitely more than I do. I can trust Him with Jaxon's life.
Above are some pictures of Jaxon that my sister took the other day. Thanks Amy!
3 comments:
I love this post...you sound like a wonderful mom! =) And I know you are going to do amazingly!!
I love all the pictures too!! I think that is a fun thing about knowing other photographers...they have beautiful pictures (both you and your sister) and it is such stunning art!
oh, and if it is any comfort...with the Lord the worries fade everyday!
congratulations your little boy is a real cutie.
Kristin! I found your blog via Melissa Palmer's blog. I had no idea you were even pregnant! CONGRATS!!!! How exciting! Love all the pictures! You're going to be such a good momma!
Loves to you,
Kim Harris (Potter's Hands)
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